


Jailed! The Space Adventure

by Anonymous



Category: Marvel (Comics)
Genre: M/M, OOC?, the result of writing at ungodly hours, tommy curses way too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 09:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7634356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I can’t believe I’m sitting in space jail with you of all people.”<br/>“This is all your fault, Tommy Shepherd. I clearly said cease and desist but did you do as I have said? No. You kept on shooting at that barren planet.”<br/>“I thought you fucking said seize the deceased, which, okay, sounded seriously weird, but hey, you’re fucking weird.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jailed! The Space Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> based on [this](http://toxixpumpkin.tumblr.com/post/108022477839/ridiculous-sentence-prompts) prompt from tumblr as a joke/writer's block breaker for the actual thing that i was writing in commemoration of Space Nohmmies™.  
> it got out of hand.

Tommy Shepherd had made a lot of bad decisions in his life. A fuckton of shit mistakes. He had a doctorate on the fine art of messing up. Heck, he was literally a fuck-up _royalty_. Surely he’d have learned to make better choices by now. Well, he hadn’t. As was expected of the great mess that was Tommy Shepherd.

 

Taking Noh-Varr up on his offer of intergalactic roadtripping was sure to be yet another bad decision on top of countless bad decisions. He was gonna be enclosed in a tiny space for who knows how long, doing nothing but bouncing his legs in an attempt to not be still, whining at Noh about _are we there yet?_ and _why are we going so slow?_ , trying hard not to vibrate through the ship and into space, but somehow, Tommy knew that it was bound to be fun and Tommy lived for fun. The prospect of going into space and blowing shit up, racing on deserted planets, going on potentially life threatening adventures and all that jazz.

 

Fun and games aside, he really should have known that the fucking alien had a history of getting in trouble with the wrong kinds of people and that he’d most likely get them in trouble somehow. Tommy had an excuse though. He’d always been a little weak towards fun things, sure, but there was a bonus. An extra factor that made him forget about the potential trouble a little bit too easily and that was the fact that Noh-Varr really seemed like a cool guy, in the chill, no trouble, sense so of course he was gonna give him a chance.

 

Like, okay, he was a wanted criminal but Tommy is, or was one too. So what if Noh-Varr was wanted on at least _10_ different universes more than Tommy. That was honestly beyond great. And okay, he’s been exiled on at least 2 planets, but that’s also super impressive, like, the closest he’s been to getting exiled was getting banned by Billy from going into his room after he started a fire on his bed. So yeah, Noh-Varr was pretty cool, for an alien-cockroach hybrid, that is. He’s impossibly obnoxious and just one glance at his annoying face is enough to grate on him but he was cool, objectively speaking. Not that he’d admit it to anyone. _Ever_.

 

Going back to the dilemma at hand: Getting in Space Trouble™ with Noh-Varr. If Billy were here, he’d be gloating at him, singing _I told you so_ , in that annoyingly deadpan voice of his, all while breaking him out of his predicament. It’d be annoying beyond belief but he’d be secretly thankful of his soul twin. Billy had been insistent on him not going on the fucking trip with Noh, but _nooo_ , he had to just go and say “Oh c’mon Billy, stop being such a _mom_. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

 

Well, turns out that that worst thing was getting fake jailed by some Nova Corps wannabe dudes.

 

He really should have known better. He _really_ should have _but_ , he was blinded then. Blinded by Noh’s fucking shiny smile and his equally shiny spaceship. He realizes now that letting the shitty bug win him over with a smile and a tug on his hand was a terrible lapse in judgement, but hey, what’s new. He always had a tendency to make poor decisions when it came to cool things/people.

 

Everything aside, he was gonna do what he did best: Ignore the fact that he fucked up royally and put the blame on something or someone else.

 

“I can’t believe I’m sitting in space jail with _you_ of all people.” He whines sourly. He’s starting to feel a little panicky. It's been a little over an hour and he still feels terrible. They did something to them that now he can only move at normal human speed. He hates being _normal_ . Being so _slow_ . He doesn’t know how people manage to live like this. He feels so out of his skin, feels like he’s some worthless slug, and he wants this over. _Now_.

 

“This is all _your_ fault, Tommy Shepherd,” Noh-Varr probably noticed that he was starting to twitch nervously (which he would deny ever doing. Tommy Shepherd doesn't get scared or nervous or whatever) because he doesn’t refer to him as _Thomas_ Shepherd like he usually does when he’s legitimately annoyed, and that’s sorta nice of him, he guessed. Being called Thomas would probably not be the best for his state of mind, especially with his current situation. “I clearly said cease and desist but did you do as I have said? No. You kept on shooting at that barren planet.”

 

Tommy rolls his eyes. He’s been with the offworlder for around a month or so now but his sarcasm still ticks him off as strongly as it did the first time. He cards his fingers through his hair and gets even more annoyed when the chains of his cuffs hit his forehead. “I thought you fucking said _seize the deceased_ , which, okay, sounded seriously weird, but hey, _you’re_ fucking weird.”

 

Noh stares at him like he want to blow him up before sighing deeply and wrinkling his nose in that disgustingly endearing way, and okay, maybe he’s really caught Billy’s gays. Hahaha, as if. Tommy didn’t find dumb guys doing dumb things endearing. Especially when said dumb guy got you trapped in a stinky jail cell. Never mind his _Fuck you Billy, I think I caught your gays_ . Never mind Billy’s clearly intrigued staring through the pixelated hologram. Never mind his almost piteous _Tommy, you can’t_ catch _gays_. He’s pretty sure it’s just a side effect of being around Teddy and Billy and their gross mushy love. Yep. Totally not gay for the bug boy. Not at all.

 

“Whatever you say, Tommy Shepherd. I am in no mood to argue with you,” he twists his wrists around the cuffs before he brings the chains together and abruptly pulls them apart. Tommy watches in fascination at the way Noh’s back and arm muscles flexed obscenely through his skin-tight uniform, keeps staring at his back even as the chains fall to the floor with a sequential clink, only looking away to look at the Kree’s infuriatingly perfect dopey smirk when he looks over his shoulder. “Their primitive technology wore off on me, it’ll probably wear off on you soon.”

 

And as Noh-Varr says that, he feels his speed slowly returning to him. He grins back at Noh as he vibrates through the offending metal. “Hey Roachie, what d’you feel about about a fiery and explosive prison break?”

 

Tommy watches as Noh’s grin widens and he holds his hand out to him. He laughs breathlessly and Tommy finds it hard to not laugh along with him. He takes Noh’s hand as Noh pulls him close, practically breathing his words into his ear, “Tommy Shepherd, you are now officially my favorite human.”

 

Tommy giggles and pulls away, still not letting go off the somehow increasingly more handsome alien’s hand. “Oh, Noh-Varr, I haven’t done anything to deserve that. Not yet anyways. I’ll _show_ you how great I can get later though, after we’ve blown this shithole to bits.”

 

The way Noh-Varr’s smirk turns dark and filthy immediately makes him forget every little fucked up thing that has happened. Makes him a little or a lot more excited about what’ll happen after their sure to be epic break out. So okay, maybe this whole mess was a result of a bad decision and that he’d probably still be better off not having gone with Noh at all but he can't change the past, or maybe he could, but he's eventually gonna have to own up to his mistakes, right? What better time to start than now?

**Author's Note:**

> who knows what this is. if it counts, i'm sorry.


End file.
